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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Jesus Sends Me Stock Tips

A Shy Deity at the NYSE



I don't know about y'all, but lately Jesus has been sending me hot stock tips on my email. Now, He's pretty aggressive about it, for a god, but I guess you don't get to be one of the reigning deities by being dainty. Anyway, I get these Holy Hot Stocks!™ pretty much every day and to pretty much every one of my several thousand email addresses. BF Toasty (the BF means "boyfriend," for future reference) says they aren't real, but I'm not willing to mess with the edicts of the Lord, so I'm investing like a newly defrocked priest in an untended school yard. I know His tips when I see them: they usually start out with a somewhat mangled Bible quote (I'm guessing that's a test for the truly faithful) in the subject line, something akin to, "Sayeth then Judith raise eyes unto donkeys, your salvation covets your neighbor's wife." When I see something like that, I know I'm going to have some trouble getting that camel through the eye of that needle, and that's all part of the Big Plan™.

I have heard that Jesus has a soft spot for lepers, and while I'm not actually one myself, it's possible that the title of this blog has mistakenly gotten me into the Stock Talk Shop of the Gods. Hallelujah and pass me the phone.

3 comments:

NuclearToast said...

So, how much have you made off of the Holy Hisvestments so far?

Raggedy Angst said...

Not much. I wanted to hold on to the stocks and let them go up, but then I got the word on imminent Armageddon and sold.

Ash said...

No fair! I only get p3n!s enhancement emails!